Soften Your Gaze

Hi friends! First, I would like to apologize for it is oh-so-evident that I am writing this month's blog incredibly late. With us being in the midst of the end of the year, I had been planning to go out with a bang; I told myself I would write the best blog yet. I had even done my research and had more than half of a blog already written when I encountered an unfortunate thing: writer's block. It suddenly hit me that I was writing just to... write. I realized that my source of writing was not to connect with or encourage anyone, but that I was more so carrying out a chore. Therefore, this is why I am sitting here at work, writing this post right now, on the 6th of December. Over the past few weeks, I have had an immense revelation; one that I feel every woman, younger or older, can relate to. After a few conversations with my best friend these couple of weeks, it has come to my attention that beauty is such an increasingly difficult thing to see within oneself. Now, this blog is for anyone, but I am especially writing to my girls out there. This one is from the depths of my heart.

Do you find yourself looking into a mirror and standing horrified at what you see? Are you forced to look away with tears lining your eyes as you stand defeated, wondering what is so wrong with you that you can hardly recognize yourself? Do you take one look at the body that you are supposed to be content with, and feel disgusted with yourself? You could totally take more of an effort to get into the gym or be active, but for some reason, you don't. How dare you let yourself go. It isn't fair that all of these other girls with rocking bodies, perfectly silky hair, and a button nose can look so effortlessly gorgeous all the time, even without makeup, and it takes every effort in the world for you to look and feel even half as pretty as them. These are just a few of the things that I have felt and thought to myself; so I know you have, too. A few of you reading this may even go so far as to scoff at what may appear to be selfishness because you know me or have seen a picture of me. "How could she feel that way when I look like this?" But Love carefully read the words that I am about to write to you. Take them in as truth from Jesus, Himself.

It has only been within the past few months that I have realized a newfound confidence and love for myself after disapproving of what I saw when I looked into a mirror for so long. I remember coming to college completely broken, anxiety-ridden, and feeling alone, knowing that I was entering a separate world - a world I had yet to encounter. Friends I had previously were moving on to greater things - different places, and I knew I had to start over. I viewed this as both a blessing and a curse. I was fearful of whether I would make genuine friendships because who would ever love and choose an ugly soul like mine? However, God proved me wrong once again. God overcame the lies for me that I was too weak to reject. On just the first day of orientation, I met who would soon be one of the most important and impactful people in my life; my best friend. I never knew platonic soulmates existed until meeting her. Instead of ridiculing me for my past and my wild insecurities, she exploited what little good was in me and helped me learn to amplify it - and the only good inside of me just so happens to be Jesus. That friendship soon blossomed, and helped us to grow in ways I never imagined possible; it reached others and now we are surrounded by the sweetest friends that encourage us every day and are such lights for Christ.

I don't say any of this to brag, either. I am simply reflecting in awe at just how many prayers God has answered; and how present He has been for me even in my moments of despair and doubt. Because of this, I know without a doubt that He can do the same for you, if you would only surrender to Him, too. At this point, you may be wondering what point I am trying to get at, and I would love to share the way God spoke through me during one conversation I shared with one of my friends in one of her moments of despair. It was a moment of enlightenment for even myself. She asked me, "What do you do to look in a mirror and feel pretty?" This stopped me dead in my thoughts.

Just a few months prior to this season in my life, I didn't look into a mirror and feel pretty. If anything, I wanted to hate what gazed back at me. My face - a face that is a replica of my father, whom I love beyond what words can express - caused me to wince at my initial view of it. I felt that I had such a hideous nose; a nose perfect for his face, but ugly on mine, was one of my greatest insecurities. My body - a body the replica of my mother's, whom I adore - used to make me sick when looking at the hip dips and belly pooch that outlined my flesh. Did I look at my parents and think these things about them? No. I mean, why would I? They were beautiful in my eyes. However, and for whatever reason, when my friend asked me this question, it suddenly dawned on me that I hadn't felt that strong of a hatred towards myself in three months; a long time for me. How have I never noticed it before? I do look into a mirror and see beauty, even on the days I must try to put more effort towards seeing it.

I responded carefully, not wanting to misguide her perspective in this delicate state of vulnerable insecurity, and I said, "You can't look into a mirror and look with the eyes you were born with. You must look with eyes, that only Jesus can see through." Once more, she simply asked, "How do you do that?"

I had to stop and ponder: How do I do that? I had never really thought of it before. All I knew was that the closer I got to God, seeing myself through the eyes of Jesus came much more naturally. I had to envision myself looking into a mirror as I did in my everyday routine. Somehow, I knew that I had to try as hard as I possibly could to put myself in His shoes. And that is when it hit me, so I began typing:

"Every time I look into a mirror, I have to remind myself that if Jesus were the one looking back at me, He would soften his gaze, smile, and look on me with love. He would be in love and feel accomplished with His creation. I imagine Him reaching out to touch my face (which I also will do to myself - I'll caress my own cheek with my thumb) and I imagine a tear falling down His, as He wonders why I can't see what He sees. I remind myself of how defeated my friends and family must feel when I say, 'I'm ugly'. I imagine how their hearts might break one more time at the phrase because mine shatters every time I hear it from someone I love. I just know Jesus looks at you when you think that about yourself and says, 'But I thought I did a good job'. And when I imagine His gaze softening at me, I do my best to soften my own gaze at myself as if I were looking back at Him instead. I don't look for myself in the mirror, I try to look deeper and look for Jesus within me. And there's a reason why we feel so disgusting the farther from Him we are - because He chose us to be close with Him and we run away. No wonder it's difficult to feel pretty when we're distant from Jesus - it's because we can no longer see Him within ourselves. And that doesn't mean there is something wrong with you, it's just a sign that you must begin looking for Him again. My best advice is to simply soften your gaze. Don't be so critical. Simply look for the parts of Jesus that reside inside of you. And it will never be easy. I stand in front of the mirror probably once every day and go through these things in my head because it is so difficult to love what I see. All I see are flaws. So I know I must look within to find the flawless."

That is how I came up with the simple solution to the mystery that is looking at yourself with love, even when it is difficult. It is necessary to soften your gaze. He has told us time and time again how loved, valued, and beautiful we are, yet we refuse to look through eyes that are not our own. When King Solomon wrote to us and told us not to lean on our own understanding, he was on to something. Proverbs 3:5-6 refers to more than just what we can't see, but also what we can see. When we look at ourselves with eyes associated with the wretched world we live in, it only makes sense that we will see the most desolate and inconsolable pieces of ourselves. Peter even goes on to write and warn us not to worry about our outward appearance but to look into the innermost valuable parts of our being - and he walked hand and hand with Jesus! How comforting it is to know that Jesus taught us to look to the inward parts of ourselves to find Him. Remember, it isn't wrong to give yourself grace, just as Christ does; it is a free gift. Accept it.

Prayer:

"Dear Jesus, Thank you. Thank you for answering so many prayers I once begged you to answer, and Thank You for answering so many more that I never even thought to utter. You fulfill every part of me. Forgive me for forgetting this simple, beautiful truth, Lord. I know you love me more than words could ever begin to express; please help me to understand and feel this truth to the very depths of my being. Thank you for being wonderful, forgiving, graceful, and abundant. Your love leaves me to wonder in awe. Your free gift of forgiveness is something I wish to cherish as long as this mortal body lives. Your grace is so unfathomable that I can hardly understand it, but I am ever so grateful for it anyway. And God, your abundance is so unmatched - you provide even when it slips my mind to ask things of you. You know my life, and you know my heart. Please, help me to never forget you. Help me to always return home to you. Never give up on me so that I may never give up on you. And help me to look within and see myself through the gentle and loving eyes of your Heavenly Son. You have everything under such peaceful control, Lord. Thank you so much.

All these things I pray in Christ Jesus' name,

Amen."

Verses:

• Proverbs 3:5-6 - 5)Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; 6)in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.

• 1 Peter 3:3-4 - 3)Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes, 4)but rather what is inside the heart—the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

• 1 John 4:16 - 16)And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him.

• Psalm 139:14 - 14)I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

• Proverbs 31:30 - 30)Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised.

Reflection:

Ask Yourself:

• How do I truly view myself? What do I see when I look in the mirror?

• Do I wallow in self-pity, or do I attempt to look for Jesus within myself?

• Am I giving myself enough grace the way my Savior does?

• What can I do differently?