Lily In The Valley

The story you are about to read is the instance that inspired me to start this blog. It is

also why I have titled my blog "Lilies Among Thorns." I want to learn to be more like Jesus - the ultimate Lily of the Valley. By walking hand-in-hand with Jesus daily, we will naturally become more like Him. This process transforms us and those we inspire into Lilies all in the same. No matter how many "thorns" we prick our fingers on, God will always be there to "doctor" us up. And this is how I know:

Lately, I have been very private about what I go through on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level on a daily basis. Today, I want to be vulnerable and tell you about an instance that took place one Wednesday night at church. I know some of my church family may have noticed that I have not attended church very often in the past 6-7 months. It started with me being busy with my senior musical back in January. After the musical, I used my senior year as an excuse to skip. I would be too tired or busy to wake up and get out of bed on Sundays and too drained to make an effort on Wednesdays. Skipping Wednesday night services turned into skipping Sunday evening services, which then turned into coming to one church service about every other Sunday morning. Church began to feel like a chore.

However, I have recently been trying to work on this. I try to work up the courage and motivation to show up even when I don't wish to. It really is a struggle, which is why I have been so bitter with myself for the past few months. I was riddled with shame. I had become so bitter that it only caused me more harm. I have been dealing with this internal friction between knowing I needed to be at church vs. not wanting to attend. Slowly but surely, I have been working on giving myself grace, the same way God does with me every single day of my life. Forgiveness is not just for those who have wronged us - forgiveness is also vital when targeted toward ourselves and our own misdoings. It is possible to do harm to ourselves, and we must learn to forgive our emotions, thoughts, and actions. We must surrender these things to God and step away from them so that He can fix them for us. It is not our job to figure everything out on our own. Luke 9:23 says,

"And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me."

God calls us to deny our worldly desires and surrender them to Him. We must spit out the lies satan feeds to us and run to drink the living water and eat of the everlasting flesh. God never told us it would be easy. In this verse, he uses symbolism to instruct us to drop the desires of sin and lift up the responsibility of choosing and following Jesus in his footsteps. He never said that it would be easy but that it would be worth it.

Last Wednesday night, I finally surrendered my worldly desire to sit at home, picked up that cross, and attended a Wednesday night service - something I have not done in a while. I remember sitting in the 4th pew from the front and feeling a sense of discomfort and heavy disconnection from God. Before the service started, I pleaded, in my heart, for God to reach out to me in some way to speak to me. I told Him that I had never felt more alone or abandoned. I was so sorry for not reaching out sooner. I remember saying, "I don't know if you can hear me or if you even want to listen to me right now because I have been so silent. Please forgive me, God." My heart ached to be closer to Him, to feel His presence - I ached for Him to hear me.

As I was saying all these things within my heart, I remember looking around at the church, looking at who was there, and my eyes finally fixated on the flower arrangement sitting in front of the pulpit. For those of you who are unaware, my favorite flower has always been a Pink Lily. It means the most to me. "Lily Of The Valley" - a phrase that is a true representation of peace through Jesus Christ; Jesus is the Lily. This also happens to be the phrase that has been popping up in the back of my mind very heavily over the past couple of weeks. Whenever I see a flower or flower arrangement, I think, "That is pretty, but a Lily would be so much prettier. Lily of the Valley." I would end every thought by saying that phrase. There were a few times I even repeated it out loud. I never knew why, and I never really gave it much thought, as I usually think of the most random things at the weirdest times. But this particular night at church, sitting in that flower arrangement and pointing directly at me, was a Pink Lily. I remember thinking, "Oh, how pretty; a pink Lily." Then, I brushed the thought away.

As we sang through the first couple of songs at church, I remember feeling nothing and continuing to plead with God to reveal Himself to me: "God, I don't feel you. Please. I feel so alone. Please show me that you see me." After praying that to myself, the song director told us to turn to page 197. As soon as I turned to that song, I began to cry. I was in awe. At the top of that hymnal book, read "The Lily Of The Valley." And get this... the song next to it was "Never Alone." No one can convince me that that was not a direct slap in the face from God. "I am here, my child." I imagined God saying this to me while embracing me as I read the title of that song. I could barely even sing due to the tears. I find it incredibly unfathomable that God used the person who arranged the hymnal book in the way He did. It was the fact that those two songs were beside each other, and God used them to show me that He had never left me. That is absolutely amazing to me.

No one can not tell me that my God is not real and that he is not good. My God is always good; he has never forsaken me and will never forsake you. You may ask yourself what is standing between you and God, and all I can tell you is this: Whatever it is, it is only there because you are leaving it there. So, pick it up, set it to the side, and run into the Father's arms. God will not perform in your life against your will; he won't separate these things from you if you will not willingly hand them over. The only thing that "limits" God's power from working in your life, is your will to allow him. God is a gentleman who would never overstep or force anything on you. Maybe, you may think, "I am too far gone to ask God to help me," but friend, let me comfort you here today. Remember the story of the two men who hung there beside Jesus during his crucifixion? One man challenged Jesus: "One of the criminals who were hanged railed at him, saying, 'Are you not the Christ? Save yourself and us!'" (Luke 23:39). He wanted proof that Jesus was the Messiah; this man had no faith. Then, we have the other criminal in verses 41-43,

"41 And we indeed justly, for we are receiving the due reward of our deeds; but this man has done nothing wrong.' 42 And he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' 43 And he said to him, 'Truly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise.'"

Just take in how wonderful this was. This man believed in Jesus in his last few moments of life, and despite knowing this man's horrible past, Jesus still exhibited everlasting, never-failing grace and saved this man. This thief didn't need a baptism, or to repeat a prayer over himself; he didn't have to live a life of good works to make it to Heaven. God saved him right there and all He required was this man's unwavering faith and true surrender. Even if we were to have committed the worst crimes against the word of God, it has never been too late, and it will never be too late to turn to God and ask for His forgiveness and receive His redemption. God's grace is endless, and so is His love. All we have to do is have faith. Just when I thought God did not see me, He showed me in the most blunt way possible that He was there and that I have never been alone. He can and will do the same for you as long as you are willing to surrender. What a wonderful God we serve to know that He can transform us from the thorns we used to be into the beautiful Lilies that portray Jesus's never-ending love!!!

Prayer:

"Dear God, Thank you for giving me chance after chance even when I was so far from deserving of that. Thank you for your redeeming love. I would not be where I am today without you and your precious plan for my life. Please forgive me for the times I doubted you and cast you aside. Thank you for not holding my past against me and forgiving me of things that I found so difficult to forgive myself of. Please wash me clean of all shame and guilt so that I may be set free and truly be able to dive head-first into the desires that you have for me and my future. Lord, I also come to you on behalf of my friend on the other side of this screen, as well. Please be with them in all that they do and help them accomplish all that you have set out for them. Help them to have a mindset and open-minded perspective to receive you, Lord. Please give them the strength to forgive themselves. If they are in a season of thorns, I plead with you to help them and transform them into beautiful lilies as we start this healing journey together. What a privilege it is to be able to openly serve the All-Mighty God of the universe in this day and age. I love you, Lord.

In Jesus' Name, I pray,

Amen."

Reflection

Ask yourself:

• What am I not willing to let go of? What is standing in my way of devoting my all to God?

• Am I afraid? If so, what am I most afraid of?

• Does the fear of my future or the pain of my past have anything to do with the friction I am feeling in my relationship with God?

• How can I be more like Jesus today?