The Battle Against Uncertainty: Advice on How to Face Change

I believe every person faces uncertainty at least once in their life. For some of us, we dwell on the anxieties of the future on such a deep level, that it can hinder our daily life. We start overthinking every decision, constantly thinking about all the "what-ifs" life has to offer. To be held captive by these kinds of thoughts the devil places into our minds is a miserable way to live, and, trust me, I know this fact better than most people would care to think. When I retreat into the depths of my mind, it feels like being tied to a chair filled with large, ugly splinters, and each attempt to move and break free results in my skin being sliced open. Other times, it simply is a sense of isolation, as if I'm reaching out for help but every time I reach out, the path to escape vanishes. It's a vicious cycle and the thoughts that plague me instill an irrational fear of what lies ahead. If you are struggling with similar feelings, know that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you. You are a beloved child of God, targeted by the devil who seeks to make you suffer and fail. However, we will not allow that. The fact that you are reading this today is evidence that God is still pursuing you, my friend. He sees you.

Now, I want to tell you a story. Let's go back to mid-June. It was just a little over a month before I started my first year of college. I was getting ready to move into a dorm with a total stranger, and I have to admit, I was pretty scared. Scratch that - I was terrified. I kept worrying about how things would turn out, if we would get along, if she would like me, and if I would like her. I was overthinking everything and driving myself crazy so I talked to my best friends and therapist about it. One thing that my therapist always emphasized to me, was that living this life requires surrendering to the Lord every day. Surrender was an intimidating word, especially for someone like me who thrived off of being in control of everything around her. How was I supposed to let go and trust in someone I couldn't even see? Or touch? Or hear?? But just when I was questioning all of these things in my life, God stepped in and proved to me that seeing Him is possible.

We perceive God through our senses and feel His presence in our souls. Naturally, the supernatural cannot be seen with our physical eyes; we must instead seek Him through the spiritual aspects of our being. After all, being human is half flesh, and half spiritual. It may initially surprise us to consider the soul as supernatural, but upon reflection, the truth in this becomes apparent. I previously mentioned an experience where I encountered God through another person. When I first connected with my roommate, I was immediately drawn to her kindness and beauty. It was soon after, that we agreed to meet each other.  I have to admit that I may have come across as a little awkward at first and I talked her ear off. I was stuck on bringing everything about myself to the table, so she knew what she was getting herself into. I bet it looked like a poor and desperate attempt to gain her trust, but I know I can't be the only one who acts weird when they're nervous. The truth is that I felt a genuine connection forming with her and was anxious about messing it up.

In short, the evening was unbelievably amazing! We discovered that despite our differences, we share so much in common and are both fiercely independent individuals. We grabbed Boba, strolled around the charming strip where the Boba spot was located, and chatted endlessly. After spending a fantastic 2 1/2 hours together, we reluctantly decided it was time to head home. Just as I was about to hop into my car, she surprised me by opening her passenger side door and presenting me with a pink bag filled with pink tissue paper. "I remembered you love pink, so I got this for you," she said with a smile. Inside was a lovely baby pink duffle bag, something I had actually been eyeing for a while - I was over the moon! Feeling like I'm always giving without receiving, this gesture filled me with pure joy and gratitude. On the drive back, I couldn't stop thanking God for bringing such a wonderful person into my life so unexpectedly. I was so worried about whether we would even be able to get along, only for God to throw this wonderful person in my face and say, "No, I want to give you more. Here's a friend." It made me realize that I had nothing to worry about after all. The whole experience left me in complete awe! But, as you might have guessed, without daily surrender, it's easy to slip back into old mindsets - and that's exactly what happened.

About a month later, I was on the phone with one of my best friends, and for some odd reason, I disappeared into my head. Overthinking has always been a struggle of mine and before I had time to stop myself, I asked him if I ever get annoying. As middle school as that question may sound, it is a genuine question that even adults sometimes ask themselves. As for me, I am always striving to better myself, and therefore, I value the feedback from my friends to help me grow. I often find myself asking these insecure questions because I highly value the opinions of the people who matter to me the most. My friend ended up admitting that it sometimes annoys him when I say the same thing over and over in "50 different ways". When I asked him what he meant and to give me an example, he simply said, "You just worry about the future too much." When he said that, I stopped - my brain just quieted down for a moment. I was upset over hearing this statement, but not upset towards him; I was upset that he was right. I was upset that I was already aware of that fact, but had no idea how to fix it in the first place. I quickly got off the phone after that and followed up with a text, "I'm sorry btw. I'll do better." He responded and explained that he wasn't trying to change me by telling me that, he just wanted to be honest. Immediately, I humbled myself when he said this because I knew that something in my life did need to change; worrying so much about the future did make me miserable, after all. We discussed the topic further, and I explained that I become such a dreary person when I encounter change. The truth of the matter is that I want to be prepared for anything, so I analyze every possible outcome - especially the bad ones. But at the same time, I hated living like that, always anticipating the next bad thing.

I think that I become so caught up in the concept of free will, that it's easy to lose focus on God and attempt to take full control of the situation I am placed in, myself. I feel that if I am not worrying, then I will get thrown off guard by an outcome; so whether I worry or not, I am never actually winning. But, here's the thing, none of this life is about "winning". I found myself to be fully aware of that. However, I still had no idea what exactly this was all about. I went on to explain that I have an enormous fear of the unknown - I like to be in the know. I really like to be prepared. And one thing that I hate, is uncertainty. I explain this to my friend and he stops to think before replying, "Then embrace it."

What may be a simple phrase to him, was a powerful punch to the gut to me. I read this sentence feeling so defeated. I felt so defeated that I said "I've had enough of this" and went straight to Google. I looked up "How do I embrace uncertainty?" and resorted to the last option; something I had actually never even thought of before. I was determined and my computer was open in front of me, so I just started typing. The vulnerable state I was in had me willing to accept anything that could potentially help me improve my overall outlook on life. Google ended up giving me a list of five steps on how to "embrace uncertainty" and I skimmed through the first four before the fifth one caught my attention: "Figure out what you can control". I stopped reading right there and I just let that soak in. What I have yet to share with all of you, is this same day, right before I even had this conversation with my friend, I had been to therapy. This particular day, I shared with her my struggle with being lazy, being stressed, and always having anxiety about the future. That was the day she introduced a new phrase to me: non-negotiables. She told me that it is important to decide what my non-negotiables are and what my negotiables are in life. She pointed out that these were the things that I could have control over through the unknown and unpredictable. Non-negotiables are things that I must make a conscious decision and active effort not to go a day without and negotiables are things that I choose to take out of my daily routine. These things may include:

Non-Negotiables✅	Negotiables❌
Drinking more water/Eating healthier meals***	Junk food***
Going to bed at the same time every day	Not getting enough sleep
Exercising	Alcohol/Tobacco/Nicotine
Taking vitamins	Talking negatively about yourself
Reading	Excessive screentime
Making your bed every morning	Social Media

By understanding these concepts on a personal level, we can learn to embrace uncertainty by focusing on what we can control rather than dwelling on what we cannot. Friend, it is crucial to continually seek God in every situation you encounter. One moment I am sharing my uncertainty with my therapist, and the next, my friend is telling me to embrace it. If I had not been actively seeking God's voice, I would not be sitting here writing this story for you right now and sharing how he speaks in even the subtlest moments. It's essential to shift our focus to our perspectives to make progress in our everyday lives. However, keep in mind that when making these daily changes, the key is to give ourselves plenty of grace and stay grounded in reality. For example, after eating a meal or drinking something, we might notice some bloating in our stomach area, even if it's just a little. This might make us overthink our appearance and lead us to believe that we've done something wrong. It's important to remember that a little bloating is completely normal and should not make us feel insecure or be the reason we stop eating. Our bodies need fuel, and the reality of this is that it is Okay to experience some bloating from time to time!

1 Corinthians 3:16 tells us to take care of ourselves because our bodies are a temple of the Lord. We need to make sure we're not mistaking self-harm for self-care. Just because you work out doesn't necessarily mean you're in great health. What does your sleep schedule look like? Are you eating all your meals? How much water have you had today? And most importantly, how is your mental health? If the answers to most of these questions are mostly negative, then maybe you're not taking care of yourself as well as you think. We all need to be self-aware and grateful for the opportunities God gives us. He gave us free will to make better choices for ourselves, so why aren't we taking better advantage of this? It is up to us to strive to do better. Prayer won't help unless you are actively putting forth the effort to make these things come to life.

You may even be wondering why or how I got on the topic of bodily health when I originally began discussing uncertainty and facing change. But the secret is the entire principle of simply focusing on your health. Do things that make you feel good. Go exercise, drink more water, get enough sleep, and spend way less time on your phones (we all know that phones can be a major distraction and contribute to insanely poor mental and physical health in the world today). Once you begin taking care of yourself, you are then capable of doing good deeds for others with a full and grateful heart without expecting anything in return. This is the key to mastering change in your life. Shift your focus from the things you can't control in the future to the things you can master in the present. The best part? All it takes is a few baby steps each day. You don't have to go cold turkey on all of the bad habits you struggle with; you can ween off of everything slowly. You can go at your own pace; you just have to take that first step towards your goal. So let's start today - together.

Prayer:

"Dear Lord, I come to you today to plead with you on my friend's behalf. I plead that you grab their hand and stand with them as they face whatever it is life is throwing at them right now. I am aware that they may be scared and they may be anxious, but God I beg that you cast these emotions out of them and remind them of who you are. You are a God of peace and of clarity, not confusion. God, please be with the person on the other side of this screen and prove to them that you have it all under control. Please help them to take that first step towards better health and be with them as they face the uncertainty that change and their future attempts to plague them with. Ultimately, just remind them of your everlasting and never-ending love. Lord, I pray that you wash this blog clean of any mistakes, for I am only human, and I ask that you use it to help those who need it the most.

In Jesus' Name, I Pray,

Amen."

Reflect:

• What are my non-negotiables? What do I want to make sure I accomplish every day?

• What are my negotiables? What do I want to rid myself of every day?

• Do I spend too much time on my phone? Is this a hindrance in my relationship with God? How can I fix this?

• What do I want out of life? What is my idea of a fulfilled life? What do I need to do to get there?

• How can I improve my everyday life?

***If you are interested in my list of healthier meals for each meal of the day, you can find it under the link labeled "File Share". It should be in the drop-down menu on any page's header! Please let me know if you have any other questions or suggestions! Thank you all for being so wonderful!