Redeeming Your Time

How do you spend your time?

What do you spend your time doing?

Here recently, these questions have been reflectively circling through my mind at an almost uncomfortably rapid rate. I have pondered on them and tried to distinguish between what my answers are, versus what they could be. Ecclesiastes tells us that there is a time and a place under the sun for everything, so what exactly am I filling my time with?

The other day, my little brother (Freshman in High School) went on his first little "double date", and although super casual for him, it put a few things into perspective for me:

1. He is not the little boy he used to be. He doesn't run around calling out my name, begging me to come play pretend with him anymore. He doesn't sit on the floor of his room, or the living room, and play with toy cars or legos anymore. He is now taller than me and can pick me up if he wanted to. He doesn't call me "CiCi" anymore because now he can pronounce my name. He is simply growing up.

2. Time passes by much too quickly. One moment, I was hearing, "Goodnight" and getting a hug before bed every night, and now I am lucky if we have a spare moment to call one another during the week. One day we are arguing over who gets to sleep where when we stay at our grandmother's, and the next, I am visiting home games on random Fridays just to see him perform at Half-Time for 10 minutes before driving back to school. One thing they don't warn you about when becoming a big sister, is that you do not get your entire childhood to spend with your little siblings. They know you all of their lives, but you don't get to know them all of yours. Half of that time is spent arguing and the other half is spent trying to stay gone away from the house with your friends because you just want to feel some sort of freedom. That's how it was for me, anyway. Unfortunate, but true.

3. Tomorrow is not promised, and there is a "last" for everything. I did not know the last time I would hold my brother, or the last time I read him a bedtime story, would be the last. He is growing up, and with that, comes more maturity and comes a newer, more in-depth personality.

And I may sound as if I am mourning a person, because that it what I am doing, partly so. I am mourning the little boy that used to depend on me for every decision he made and every ounce of validation he felt he needed. I have the privilege of watching him become his own person, and make his own choices, with much less help than he used to need. I am mourning lost time that I spent dreading going home - as any rebellious teenager does - and choosing to be with friends over my brother so many times. Everyone likes to say that you will "regret" not spending more time with your family until it is "too late", and I did not heed the words of those older than me. I thought I knew better (but 15-year-olds can be quite "dumb" on the occassion... I was). The truth, is that I did not know better. I am 20-years-old now, and I am seeing my brother begin to choose time with friends on the weekends I come home from school. No, it isn't as extreme as I was at that age (he has always been better at prioritizing things than I ever was), but it is just a small glimpse into the decisions I made as a kid, and it's enough to make me think.

I also mourn the moments we fought and I yelled some not-so-nice things at him, when I could have chosen love. I could have chosen to keep my mouth shut, and choose forgiveness, or grace. I mean, he was just a kid, after all. But, then again, we both were.

If you know me, you know that my brother is my best friend. He knows pretty much everything about me, things I was too afraid to tell my parents at the time, and he gets me better than anyone else on this world. He holds a special place in my heart. God knew what he was doing when he gave me a baby brother. You see, his existence alone is a miracle, as he was born premature out of Emergency C-Section. By the world's standards, he probably shouldn't even be alive today, yet he is, because God knew the world needed him in it, and I am eternally grateful for this.

Maybe you're wondering why I am writing this, or maybe you are beginning to get the picture, so I will ask again:

• How do you spend your time?

• and, what do you spend your time doing?

Are you taking advantage of the time God has placed in front of you, or will you look back to this moment and regret this time in your life? Are you displaying kindness and grace to the people around you, or are you sowing discord? Are you choosing obedience to the Lord, or your own selfish desires? When I was 15, I spent a lot of the time I was home on a video game, or scrolling on my phone. Now, I look around at twenty and wonder how I even got to this moment. I spent so much of my childhood looking at a screen, or hanging out with friends that I no longer speak to. But, do not get my words twisted either: Friends are good and alone time is great. The goal is finding a balance between it all.

Ephesians 5:15-21 tells us to make the most of our time and to submit to the Lord's will for our lives; to do the things that are beneficial to our souls, and add on to our lives. I, myself, am not perfect by any means. I still struggle with my screen-time, and I may choose friends over school work at times, but I am currently putting into practice, taking small steps to make sure I am being more intentional. For the sake of length and time, I will not list those things here, but if you are struggling with finding a balance, and want a list of ways to be more intentional with your time concerning school, family, friends, or church, feel free to reach out by clicking the form at the very bottom of this page, and I will reach back out as soon as possible!

Prayer:

"Dear Jesus, thank you for waking me up this morning and I thank you for the time you have given me today. I ask that you provide me with the wisdom to prioritize the right things and help me to learn how to balance this busy life. Help me to make more time to spend with you, as well. Thank you so much for blessing me so much so that it is a struggle to find the balance between all of these amazing opportunities. I ask that you please guide my steps in the way that you would have me to go and bring the things to my attention that I need to work on. Reveal in me the things that need more attention and exploit the areas that I need the most work in. Thank you for sending your son as a sacrifice to us so that we could pray openly and fully to you, and so that we could have access to your greatest gift of salvation. Thank you for being so good to me and showing me mercy, even when I least deserved it. I love you, Father.

In Jesus' Name, I Pray,

Amen."

Verses:

• Ecclesiastes chapter 3

• Ephesians 5:15-21

• Psalm 90:12 !!

• Luke 10: 38-42

Reflection:

• Am I being intentional with my time?

• Are there some things that I could change about my schedule or do differently to create more balance?

• Where do my priorites lie? Where do I tend to spend most of my time? With who? Doing what?

• Is what I am doing with my time glorifying God?

• Am I being responsible with my time? Is "rest" factored in there? (It is very difficult to pour over into other things/people if you're not allowing your cup to be filled by the Creator of time.)